Speech is Elementary: Never Give Up!

A writer in 5th Grade asks for help on her 5-7 minute speech, entitled "Never Give Up." She has asked that I focus on strengthening her intro and comment on the amount of detail. She's on a tight deadline (she has to finish the speech that night), but I am a sucker for a student in need!

Dear Writer:

First, a couple of thoughts about public speaking and speeches in general.

1. Write down notes (just key phrases and facts) on index cards. If you bring up a full speech written out word for word, you are going to end up reading from the paper, which is not as interesting and engaging as when you speak more naturally. This will also help you avoid awkward sentences because you will be speaking as if you were talking to a friend.
2. Look out at your audience. Remember you are trying to communicate with other people!
3. Speak more loudly and slowly than you think you should. People tend to rush when they are nervous. I advised Mock Trial when I was a teacher and I had one student who took this advice--the judge singled her out for praise because she spoke so clearly and well.
   

Opening
I think your opening question is brilliant.

Do you know what to do when giving up isn’t an option?
Well, this leads me into a story about the natural world.

I would just ask it a little more directly. "What do you do when giving up is not an option?" And I would suggest cutting "Well this leads me into..." In general, don't refer to the fact that you are giving a speech. There may be times when you wish to do this, but your transitions should be more natural.

Then, I would suggest expanding on that main idea--what do you mean by a situation when giving up is not an option? In the natural world, perseverance is often a matter of life or death. Think about why giving up is not an option in each of your stories.

Supporting Evidence -- Provide Context and Emphasize Your Point
You have some really interesting and amusing tales (the baboon stuck in the jaws of the crocodile, the mountain goat fleeing the wolf). Where did you find the first stories? You might provide some context. Is this a story people tell their children to teach them these values? Or is it something you saw on Animal Planet--the real life and death struggles of the natural world?

Really emphasize at the beginning and the end the "point" of your stories. Perseverance, sacrifice, and determination can overcome incredible odds.

Details, Details
I think you have plenty of detail. You could add some more from the "five senses" to really put your reader there.

As most of you know, baboons live in Africa, a hot place.
So, a baby baboon was taking a drink of water when all of a sudden an alligator caught its head!

In this example, how hot was it? Make us feel the heat so we know why the baboon would take the risk to drink from the dangerous pool. Don't overdo this, maybe just once in each story.

Overall, though, your sense of humor comes through and you have some really great ideas.

Get a good night's rest, eat a healthy breakfast, look up and speak slowly, and good luck with your speech tomorrow!